Tips for visiting a new mum
Gemma Major, guest writer for The Spin Off words it best when she says the fourth trimester is a time when the rubber hits the road and you realise that you have no idea what you're doing, yet there is no one else better for the job. The fourth trimester is exhausting for new parents but here's the thing, people desperately want to help new parents but aren't exactly sure how. To the new parents of the world I say this - embrace the generosity, don't be too prideful and be explicit with what would make life easier for you, people are dying to know how to help you. And to those who want to help, here are 5 suggestions on how you can step in and be REALLY helpful to new parents.
ONE
Pop in and do something helpful - take the dog for the walk, do the school run, clean or chip in with friends and treat them to a cleaner for a few weeks. Dr. Oscar Serrallach say when visiting a new mum there are "no visitors, only staff". If you are at the "pop-in" level of friendship level then do just that, pop-in. One of my fondest memories after I'd had Xav is of my best friend intuitively showing up after a particularly hard night. I'd gone back to bed after the school-run, she jumped in beside me and we chatted over my favourite Acai Bowl and mindless TV. What you actually end up doing won't matter to the parents, they'll be so grateful for your thoughtfulness and time.You could broach it by saying...
- While I'm out I'd really like to do the school run for you, pop a reminder note in X lunchbox tomorrow, we'll swing by the park on our way home to give you some extra time
- I have some free time and I'd really love to come give you a hand. Can you prepare a list of things you'd like done
- Don't prepare anything for dinner. I have it sorted for you. I'll leave it at the front door
- I'm out getting coffee, is now a good time to stop in and bring you lunch?
TWO
As a new parent time together can fall by the wayside as you tend to the needs of your brand new baby. Remembering to carve out time for each other is crucial so, arrange a date night for them {in or out}. You can offer to watch the new baby for a couple of hours or you could arrange a sweet package so they can enjoy some special time at home.
THREE
Organising food during the fourth trimester can never be the wrong thing to do {or ever really!}.This is perhaps one of my favourite things about having a baby - all the delicious meals people dropped us, it's as if they cooked us their best dish or treated us to their favourite cafe. It gave us the gift of time which while were still finding our feet and it nourished us until we ate next. Before you drop off any food check on any dietary requirements or allergies and creating meals that require little fuss are the best kind. Also, if you'd really like to step it up a notch then organise a Meal Train, a wildly popular service where a free menu calendar is created making it easy for friends and family to take meals for a friend after birth {surgery, illness or hardship}.
FOUR
I get it, everyone is so excited to see the baby - I don't blame them, they're pretty delicious but remember to shower mum with some love and attention too, she's the superhero here! If you are wanting to take a gift with you I always suggest something for mum or send her wee love note [texts] to remind her of what an amazing job she is doing. It sounds simple but it's heartwarming to receive thoughtful messages from people who love you.
FIVE
Help her navigate motherhood with my fourth trimester workshop. Gift her a face-to-face session or an online session because you see, birth is typically only one day yet we spend our entire pregnancies preparing for it. It's become my passion project to challenge women to spend at least an equal amount of time preparing for the fourth trimester because too many women are deeply underprepared for it and the realities of their motherhood journey. Or, more simply have her follow my motherhood chats over at Lila Jasmine.
Image;
By Tash Stokes of Black Robin Photography