Having a baby is incredibly exciting for everyone who loves and cares about you - they’re dying to hear the announcement, to check in on you, to shower you with well wishes, care and attention and while that is thoughtful and lovely it can be very exhausting for new parents. Let me offer three tips for managing visitors and creating boundaries with your newborn baby.
LIMIT VISITORS
For some a steady stream of visitors after you’ve given birth can take its toll, it can be tiring hosting and holding conversations - quite often you’re exhausted, half dressed and still getting to know your newest and littlest love. For others it’s the best bit - either way, before giving birth I encourage you to take time to consider how long after delivery you would like visitors - immediately after, the next day, or perhaps wait a few days? Who would you like to visit - family only, friends and family, friends and family and your next door neighbour? How long do you want people to visit - 30 minutes or 3 hours?
If you feel like frequent visitors will be overwhelming consider instating your own visiting hours at a time of day that works best for you. Create a pre-written message reply in your notes folder for easy access when people make contact with you, share it in your family and friends group chats or even add it on to the bottom of your birth announcement. Something like [words below] would suffice and this wording gives your visitor a clear timeframe to visit and an expected duration highlighting the need for them to be punctual;
Yes, baby X is here and is so scrummy but we’re all a little tired. We’d love to see you, if you can visit between 11am - 12.30pm that would be great. We’re normally ready for a feed and family nap at 12.30pm. We’re being hypervigilant so if you could sanitise on your way in we’d be so grateful. Can’t wait to show baby X off. X
And here are just a few more quickfire thoughts and ideas;
- Pop a note on your front door with times, rules and make hand sanitiser available
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed have someone be the gatekeeper
- Remember that you can say no and you can cancel
ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED
Your visitors are dying to know how to help you, when they make contact with you they will ask if there is anything you need so be explicit, they’ll appreciate the direction and specificity. Do you need more wipes, bread, breast pads or are you dying for coffee or sushi? Or do you need someone to snuggle the baby so you can shower? Does your washing need hanging or folding? Or, do you just need company?
Saying yes and accepting help can be difficult for a lot of us but try not to deny people who care for you the opportunity to do something kind and helpful. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone if you need something - make it a part of your postpartum plan to create a list of contacts you can call on in a time of need. Here are a few responses to inspire you…
THANKS BUT NO THANKS
Family and friends are well meaning with their offers and advice, it mostly always comes from a place of love. This is your baby and you know what that means - it means you get to do things however you want so ignore what doesn’t sit well with you and if it’s golden tuck it in your back pocket for later. Consider people in your life who have similar values and opinions to you or people who have a parenting style you appreciate - lean to them when you have problems, questions or concerns or trusted resources and the rest is water off a duck's back. Follow your heart!
This piece was originally written by me, Renata Lardelli for Soteria. Photograph of Jessica Palmer taken Natalie Patelo is shared with permission