Nobody hands you a manual when your baby arrives. Breastfeeding is one of those things that looks instinctive from the outside and feels anything but in those first raw days. Here's what I tell every woman I work with — and what I wish someone had told me.
1. Babies breastfeed a lot - and that's the point
Newborns feed 8–12 times in 24 hours. That's not a problem, that's biology working exactly as it should. Frequent feeding builds and maintains your supply. Count from the start of one feed to the start of the next, and try not to watch the clock too closely. Your baby is doing their job.
2. Think of it like learning a new dance - with two left feet
Breastfeeding is a skill. You're both learning it at the same time, and neither of you has done it before. The first two weeks are the hardest, expect some stumbling, some frustration, some moments where it feels like it will never click. It will. Give it a genuine two weeks before you decide how you feel about it. Most women who push through that window find a rhythm they didn't think was possible.
3. A good latch is everything
The vast majority of breastfeeding problems trace back to latch. Sometimes the smallest positional tweak is all it takes. Sometimes you need hands-on support. Don't wait to ask for help. A lactation consultant, your midwife, or a La Leche League Leaders can often fix in ten minutes what's been causing days of pain.
4. Watch and listen for milk transfer
You don't have to guess whether your baby is actually getting milk. You can see it and hear it. Look for a deep, rhythmic jaw movement - not quick shallow sucking, but a slow, purposeful draw. Listen for an audible swallow, a soft "kuh" sound after each suck or two. When you hear and see that, your baby is feeding. That's your reassurance.
5. Breastfeeding should not be painful
Some nipple tenderness in the first days is normal as your body adjusts. But ongoing pain, or pain that doesn't ease within the first 10–15 seconds of a feed, is a signal. It usually means the latch needs adjusting. Don't push through, it won't toughen you up, it'll just make feeding something you dread.
6. Break the latch with your pinky - not by pulling away
If the latch doesn't feel right, break it and start again. Slide your clean pinky finger into the corner of your baby's mouth to gently break the suction, then re-latch. Pulling your baby off without breaking suction is painful and unnecessary. This is one of those small things nobody tells you that makes an enormous practical difference.
7. Feed on demand, not on a schedule
Scheduled feeding has been associated with slow weight gain and early weaning - it can suppress supply because your body works on a supply-and-demand system. Follow your baby's cues. Stirring, rooting, hands to mouth - these are early hunger cues. Crying is a late cue, and it's much harder to latch a distressed baby. Catch them early.
8. Cluster feeding is normal - not a sign your milk is failing
Cluster feeding typically happens late afternoon into the evening and can go for hours. Your baby isn't hungry because you don't have enough milk. They're growing rapidly, regulating your supply upward, and practising. It's exhausting, but it's temporary and it's purposeful.
9. Use the apps — they're genuinely useful
Two worth downloading right now:
BreastfedNZ: a New Zealand-specific resource with evidence-based breastfeeding support, local helplines, and guidance tailored to our health system.
Mama Aroha: a beautifully supportive app for New Zealand mothers covering feeding, sleep, and postpartum wellbeing. Warm, practical, and made with our context in mind.
Both are free and worth having on your phone for those 3am moments when you need reassurance and can't call anyone.
10. You are not alone in the dark
Right now, while you're reading this, millions of mothers around the world are awake doing exactly what you're doing. Many of them have been here before and come out the other side. If it gets overwhelming — and sometimes it will — walk outside alone for five minutes, breathe, and come back. You don't have to be okay every moment. You just have to keep going.
Renata Lardelli is the founder of Lila Jasmine, a midwife, nurse, and mum of three. Lila Jasmine Milk Support Lactation Bars are made for breastfeeding mothers who want to nourish their supply without thinking too hard about it — one bar a day, real ingredients, no fuss.